Heartbeat

Maybe because we nearly lost Elspeth at the early weeks of pregnancy, or maybe because we waited seven years before we had her, but I don't think I will ever forget that first magic moment when Jeremy and I heard the heartbeat of our child. Parenthood has created so many of these moments, times when I look in his eyes and see my own heart reflected. Perfect symmetry in our emotions, and I know he is the only one who completely understands how I feel in that moment.

I remember, after trying for a long time to have Addie, the perfect joy as we heard her precious heart beating too. Knowing she would be a little over a year younger than Esther-Faith and within months of Sof (although at the time, we expect Sofia to be "Ben").

As time goes on through parenthood, I have become aware of family in a new way. Elspeth has recently mastered this concept and will go to an empty room and call "Where is my family?" Just to have us come and give her hugs and reassurance that we are her family. She is finally accepting that Addie's family and hers are the same. But, although we are the family she sees daily, she understands so much more than even I do how much our extended family means to us. When after a nice visit, as I am disciplining my elder child, she will frequently say "I want Grandma(Mamgu, Grandpa, or Dactu are equally prevalent here)."

We are so lucky to have siblings who will make the trip to see us, despite the relative lack of things to do in our small town. We are so lucky to have parents who don't seem to fade in their enthusiasm to help out our kids. I joke that Grandma's are neurotic, but I know that when I tell them that Elspeth is now in size 9 shoes and needs new ones, that somehow her shoe collection will be bolstered. I know that these are the people who will patiently wait for Elspeth to get through her thought when she calls to ask for more eggs. There is security in family, these are the people that will take the time to help us understand the needs of a child with life threatening allergies, and help us prepare ourselves and care givers so that risk is minimized. These are the People who love us without regard to how difficult we may be to love at times.

So when I got the call from Michele this week that she and Kevin had heard their child's heartbeat for the first time, I have not been able to shake the emotion around my new niece or nephew's mere existence. I can not stop thinking about the moment they shared when the tech patiently told Michele that it was the baby and not Michele they were listening to. I imagine the look they shared, with their own set of excitement and emotion in preparing for the birth of this precious child. I join the rest of the family in gearing up to support them and their family in whatever challenges they find. I laugh every time we mention Uncle Kevin now and Elspeth patiently explains that he is a "daddy."


So small a heartbeat, but this is our family.