Post-Op

Day 3 of my post-op recovery and I am feeling pretty good. I have had a LOT of time to think in the last three days and here are some of my truths:

- Family is more than just blood. A dear friend gave up a huge chunk of her time to drive me to a post-op appointment yesterday (We got there to find my surgeon was not even in the building yet). It couldn't have been fun for her, but she did it chearfully and with the idea that she hopes others will take care of her children the same way in their lives.

- It is a relief to have my husband know me so well, and still like me. Some time several months ago, Jeremy and I were discussing something of great importance. It was so important, I can't recall what it was in the slightest. At one point my husband stated, quite matter of fact, that I didn't know how I felt about the matter. He elaborated that he knew I didn't know because he couldn't read me on how I felt. He was right, and I was surprised once again at how well he knows me. He can tell by each expression what I am thinking, and he still seems to want to be around me. That is a great comfort to me. In the past few days when he hasn't done things I thought he should, I have remembered this and realized that I was ambivalent to begin with, and that surely he would have done anything I truly wanted him to do. This has stopped a few petty arguments, and that seems nice.

- Not picking up my kids is difficult. I tell Elspeth that mommy can't pick her up and she says "That's OK Mommy, I'm going to jump into your arms." I am glad that my parents are coming tomorrow so she stops noticing that I am not holding her. I wonder if I was wise in asking them to wait until Thursday, but that is mute now. Every night I go into her room, and I gently reset her onto her pillow and re-tuck her in. Last night she was half way down her bed and I couldn't move her. I probably would have cried, which seems stupid now, but Jeremy walked by at that moment and realized I needed him to reset her. I think no matter how deeply she is asleep, she feels that moment of love each night. I tell myself she sleeps better for it. You can't convince me otherwise, and I hope you won't try.

-Surgery is not as scary as I thought it was going to be. The anesthesiologist was the same Dr. who gave me an epidural, that made me feel better. Actually, by the time they finally put the mask over my face, I had such a headache that I really wanted someone to put me to sleep. That, I did not expect.