Daddy's Girl

When I carried Elspeth for 9 wonderful (if slightly nauseating and painful) months, I knew that she and I would never be that close again. I knew that the minute Dr. Taylor delivered her, that I would no longer be all things to my beautiful first born.

I knew that.

I have watched her grow into an independent (sometimes too independent) child with pride, sadness and more than a little apprehension. I am lucky that her father is equally involved in raising our children, and I am lucky to be a firsthand witness to the special bond that Daddy's little girl develops. It is pure sweetness to see her face glow for Daddy, to hear her declare him her "best friend." She wants to be just like Mommy, she wants to be with Daddy, the difference is distinct right now.

The semester is nearly over. Jeremy and I have been counting the days until he doesn't have to kiss us goodbye on Saturday and Sunday afternoons so he can head to the office to get some much needed work done (always more than he can accomplish). I have been feeling sorry for him, not being with our kids, I have been feeling sorry for me, handling home, kids, everything on my own.

I forgot about the impact on Elspeth. She is tough. She has been a good sport, acting like she is happy that we are having another "girls only" day. But the reality is that she misses her best friend.

She finally has had enough, and has put her foot down in the only way she knows how. She wraps herself around his legs at departure. She cries for him, she asks if Mommy can go to the meeting and Daddy stay home tonight.

I knew that I would not always be all things to her, but it breaks my heart to see her need something so greatly, and it is completely out of my power to provide it.

Last night, shortly after Jeremy left for a meeting, Ella threw herself on the floor screaming about Mommy spilling her milk (not true). After a few minutes, I collected the child and deposited her in her room with instructions that she could come out when she was all done crying. I shut the door when I realized she was going to follow me, because Elspeth can not yet open the door to her room (the knob is too loose, so while she can open doors, just not this one).

The level of screaming was scary, and I called Jeremy asking him to beg off from the Joshua Team and come home to his daughter who clearly needed him. He quickly agreed, but he was on the other side of town and had to drop something off at the meeting so it would be awhile.

Meanwhile Ella is screaming "OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW, OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW."

I start to feed Addie, and suddenly Ella appears, having suddenly figured out how to open her door. She grabbed her milk and then returned to her room. Shut the door and resumed:

"OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW, OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!"

I am not sure when it clicked for her, but a light bulb went off rather suddenly. It got quiet and I heard the door opening and closing as Elspeth explored her new skill. I went back and informed her that Daddy was coming home to be with her. She brightened noticeably at the news and then said, "Mommy, I was screaming and crying. I'm sorry."

She ran down the hall, and was done. We had a few scary moments when Daddy didn't get home immediately, she started to doubt that he was really coming home. We had to call him to confirm at least once, but the glow she had when Daddy was finally seated next to her was beautiful.

I know I can't be all things to my children, I know that not even Jeremy and I together can be all things to them. I know that she will have tougher battles, and that she will sometimes need to find her own way.

But last night, she was Daddy's girl, and that is enough.