Elspeth had the sides removed from her crib last weekend to make a "big girl bed" and each night she has quietly requested that we put the sides back on her bed. This transition has moved her out of her comfort zone, but she has born it the way only the truly young can.
She can not describe the feeling of exposure her new accomodations leave her with, she can not tell us that growing up is scary, but she knows that something she really wanted is turning out to be not what she expected.
What she does not know, is that her Mommy would have kept her in a crib until she was an adult if I could. She does not know that each night my arms are a little emptier because I don't get to lift her into her bed. She does not know how much I miss that last hug I used to steal, or the way she would occasionally grab my face between her hands and plant a kiss right on my face as I handed her into bed. She does not know that bittersweet was made up just to describe a mother's emotions as she watches her children blossom from one incredible stage to the next. She does not know that I miss the little girl that she was yesterday almost as much as I can't wait to meet the woman she will be someday.
Right now, she is just a tiny person who suddenly feels less secure in the world. And while I long to put the sides back on her bed and assure her that Daddy and I will always keep everything as secure as it feels right now, that would be a lie. So each night, I gently tell her that we won't put the sides back up tonight, and we wait, we wait for her to stop asking for something we long to give, but can not.
1 comment:
Oh how I wish I was back at this stage!! Treasure every minute! My baby girl is turning 6 this month, and I just don't know where the time has gone.
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